With Love From Peru
by Devine Justice
Summary: A little comedy featuring Bill, Sookie and Eric!


**A/N: Hello my lovelies! I would to start by saying thank you to Wylis for gifting this idea to me, you're the best! So here I give you a short comedy for your entertainment! **

**Bill's outfit: .org/images/traditional_clothing_peru/2004_0417_**

**I own nothing: Just love playing with the toys of others!**

Eric and I were settling into our life now that things had calmed down from the fall out with the AVL. The authority took Bills throne form him citing gross incompetence; they chose to spare his life due to his age being the contributing factor for his inability to rule the state.

The new monarch seemed like an okay guy, he wasn't interested in trying to take me from Eric. He was pleased I had agreed to offer my services as needed and left Eric plenty of freedom to run his area. Bill on the other hand had been ordered to continue his work compiling information for the database he'd started.

He started his own webpage so that interested parties could contact him to be added to the directory and for some reason he regularly posted videos of his travel. Eric and I had spent many a night laughing at the crazy stuff he loaded on there. It watched like a bad travel show with Bill as the narrator and tour guide.

He really got into these videos; he dressed in the traditional attire of what every country he was in, took time to socialize with locals and made sure he took part in any events or celebrations while he was there. While Eric was heating a blood I logged into Bill website and squealed when I seen a new video was posted.

"Eric there is a new video on Bill's site!" I said barely containing my giggles. I heard him snickering "OH and where is he now?" he said trying to sound bored but I know he enjoyed watching them as much as I did. The oddest things always seemed to happen to Bill and we had laughed ourselves to tears more than once.

"Peru. He is attending the Alpaca Fiesta." I wheezed out. Eric joined me on the couch in front of the laptop; he took one look at what Bill was wearing and barked out a laugh "Well this should be good." He said while texting Pam to let her know Bill had made an ass of himself again and put it on the internet.

I pushed play, clicked the box to expand it to full screen size and settled back against Eric to watch this unfold. Bill walked in front of the camera looking utterly ridiculous he was wearing baggy blue jeans, an extremely vibrant multicolored poncho and a grey felt hat with a rainbow band wrapped around it and to huge multicolored tassels dangled from each side of the hat.

I was doubled over laughing and Eric wasn't in any better shape. Bill began to explain objective of this event is to promote the alpaca industry from farming through to high quality garments passing all the links in the production chain. It also aims to promote tourism in Peru, particularly in the departments of Arequipa, Puno and Cusco. We hardly heard a word of it other than that there'd be a fashion show to promote all the different uses for alpaca fiber and that Bill planned to try on a few items.

"Sookie I am not sure I can sit thru this." Eric snorted. "Oh hush! You know you love watching Bill make a fool of himself. The caption said he was going to ride an Alpaca." I told him excitedly. HE raised an eyebrow at that "Yes well we wouldn't want to miss that."He answered his to tone one of great amusement.

"You know Sookie animals are very wary of vampires, they sense the predator in us. He is a fool if he thinks that creature is going to let him on it."He snickered. The video faded out and when it came back Bill was now walking from stall to stall looking at the different Alpaca products available, they had blankets, purses, rugs, you name they had it.

He stopped in front of a vendor that was selling think furry Alpaca vests; he selected a white one with wavy fur that fell to just past his thighs. We both watched in delight as he slipped that thing on over his rainbow poncho, Eric roared with laughter his tipped back on the couch. I could hardly breathe in between fits of laughter, "Sweet…baby...Jesus! What is he thinking?" I managed to say after a minute.

Before Eric could offer a response Bill began to stroke the fur of his vest commenting on its softness. The vendor said he should smell it, that natural Alpaca has a very nice smell to it. Bill looked skeptical and less than thrilled at the prospect, Eric informed me that Bill hadn't been breathing most likely due to the vile smell of animal present.

I knew Bill had issue with smell he was obsessed with hygiene when we were together but I guess he didn't want to offend the people of Peru. He raised the hide slowly to his face and took a big ole whiff, his face contorted in disgust, he blew air threw his nose loudly trying to removed the odor "Yes, it is…lovely" he said lamely and Eric and I exploded, we were cackling like lunatics.

We pressed the pause button while I went to the restroom; I knew that I would likely wet myself if anything went awry when he tried riding an Alpaca which was up next in the video. Eric heated himself another blood and refreshed my tea by the time I was back. "All set lover." He asked his eyes glittered with mirth.

I just nodded my head since I was on the verge of laughing just thinking about what was coming. Eric reached down and hit play, we watched as Bill made his way to a small corral that held about twenty Alpaca's. He was still wearing that crazy outfit including the vest it was so ridiculous that even the locals where looking at him funny.

As soon as Bill walked inside with the animals they all began shifting restlessly, if Bill went left they went right, after several attempts to approach them without using any vampire ability the farmer walked in a grabbed one for him.

Bill thanked him politely and approached the clearly terrified Alpaca, its eyes were huge and it was shifting around nervously. The poor little mop top Alpaca began making a humming sound in it throat while watching Bill approach from the corner of its eye. "Wait for it, wait for it!" Eric said gleefully literally on the edge of his seat.

Bill was now next to the poor creature that was bleating in distress. Bill quickly mounted the animal and all hell broke loose, the Alpaca began bucking wildly slamming itself against the fence trying to dislodge Bill from his back. It raced around in circles the whole time Bill was hollering "Help Meh!"And hanging on for dear life his ridiculous vest flagging in the wind behind him.

That broke the damn for Eric and I we were on the floor in tears laughing manically. Just when we thought it couldn't get any better it did. The rest of the herd seeing the animal in trouble rushed to its aid, Bill's Alpaca fell over on its side and the herd rushed over and started hopping up and down on Bill.

When the large cloud of dust cleared a terrible disheveled Bill stood there covered in hoof prints, bite marks and animal filth. "Turn of the camera." Bill hissed at the videographer who you could hear laughing hysterically.

After about 20 minutes our laughter had simmered down to random bouts of giggling. I tried to send that video to Sam but it said video removed by user when I tried to attach it. I guess Bill didn't load that one himself and upon realizing it was there took it down.

Pam showed up moments later her make-up a mess and you could see the faint remainder of pink lines from blood tears on her check. "Did you see it." She quipped a devilish smile on her face. We nodded that we had before breaking out once more laughing. "He removed it but not before I downloaded and sent copies of it to all the Louisiana vampires." She said utterly pleased with herself.

**ONE WEEK LATER**

After Bill's Alpaca experience he decided to stop making videos and closed down his website. He did get a Face book so people could contact him with information for his database and Pam under multiple user accounts added that video to his wall daily.

Tonight will be his first night home, Pam and Eric being the thoughtful vampires they are got everyone in the area to send Bill a welcome home gift. There were no less than 50 vampires around the perimeter of the graveyard in front of Bills house, all waiting for the great unveiling of his welcome home gift.

There was a large banner rolled up above his front door and under a large drape were his gifts. Every set of eyes turned and watched the headlights coming up the driveway. As soon as Bill got out of the car the banner unrolled it read "**WELCOME HOME BILL WITH LOVE FROM PERU" **he eyed the area suspiciously before he approached the drape. Bill yanked the tarp away reviling a herd of fifty Alpacas.

He hissed viciously at the animals causing them to stampede all over him, the roar of laughter of the area 5 vampires was heard miles away

THE END


End file.
